If I Had A Million Dollars
by Purple Mouse
Summary: Hotohori and Nuriko at open mic night,


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Disclaimers: Don't own FY. Don't own any songs by the Barenaked Ladies. Nuff said.

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Warnings: I blame this completely on caffeine and too much time spend downloading songs now that I'm back home for the holidays and have access to a computer that actually has SOUND. ^_^ So be warned: it's weird. Probably OOC, as well. ^_^ Thought I'd stick that in just in case. Oh, and for those of you who haven't heard the _real _song yet, the _real _lyrics aren't all metered, and don't usually rhyme, so it's not me! I'm just doing what they did. ^_^ And the guys who sing it actually do have mini-conversations in the middle of the song, but they never talk about Miaka. ^_^ 

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If I Had A Million Dollars  
(music and some lyrics by the Barenaked Ladies,   
Yuugified lyrics by Me, heehee)

(Once upon a time, it was open microphone night at a nearby bar…whether it was in Konan or elsewhere, I really do not know…use your imagination. We'll just say it's an AU. ^_^ Well, anyway. A bunch of seishi decided to go. Tasuki got drunk. Mits spent the evening staring blankly at a picture of Bing Crosby on the wall. Chichiri… well…he was doing something, I'm sure…playing darts. That's it. And winning, too. But when Chiriko got tired and Tamahome offered to walk him home, Hotohori saw his chance…) ****

Hotohori: **grabbing Nuriko** Come sing backup with me.

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Nuriko: ………_Really_, Hotohori-sama??

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Hotohori: **striding regally onto the stage, guitar and Nuriko in tow** Ahem ahem…Good evening. I am Saihitei Seishuku, the Emperor of Konan. You might recognize me by my uniquely handsome features.

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Audience: **blank looks**

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Nuriko: **whispers** We're losing the crowd, Hotohori-sama…

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Hotohori: Miaka, this one's for you.

**** THE SONG BEGINS ****

Hotohori: (sings) If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: Well, I'd buy you a house.

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Nuriko: I would buy you a house!

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: I'd buy you furniture for your house.

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Nuriko: And maybe an extra throne, or a footstool…

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Hotohori: And if I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: Well, I'd buy you a holy sword…

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Nuriko: Which you'll forget just when it's _important _**ahem, frown**

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Hotohori: And if I had a million dollars…

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Both: I'd buy your love…

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: I'd try to help you when you're stressed!

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: I'd make sure that you were well-dressed!

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: Maybe I could make you ditch that dorky hat you always wear…

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Hotohori: (speaks) Nuriko…we _are _both talking about Miaka, aren't we?

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Nuriko: (speaks) H-h-hai!!! Of course, ahhhh….sure, if you like.

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Hotohori: (speaks) Because I get the feeling that…

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Nuriko: Nononononono!!! MIAKA!! I am _sooooo _in love with Miaka…ahhhh…yeah.

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Hotohori: You…

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Nuriko: Whoops!! Here…it's time to sing again!!!

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Hotohori: (sings) If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: I would buy you a fur coat.

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Nuriko: But not a real fur coat, that's cruel.

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: Well, I'd buy all the food you could eat!

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Nuriko: Yup! And some Tums to take after!

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: Well, I'd fix your teddy bear…

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Nuriko: I think that thing's beyond repairing… ~.~()

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Hotohori: And if I had a million dollars…

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Both: I'd buy your love…

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: You wouldn't need a girl to wed…

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: We could just _buy _an heir, instead!

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: We wouldn't have to dress as women…

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Hotohori: (speaks) But we _would _dress as women.

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Nuriko: (speaks) Of course, it's more fun that way…but we could _buy _good reviews for the show without having to make fun of people who cross-dress. In fact, if we bribed the right people, we could all just stay at home and download mp3s all day.

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Hotohori: A very wise person once said that the people you make fun of the most are the people you love the most…

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Nuriko: Hm. I must be _incredibly _popular, then.

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Hotohori: I hear you've gathered quite a following. Fan clubs, fanfiction authors with no lives…

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Nuriko: Verse! Verse!!

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Hotohori: Ahhh!! 

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Hotohori: (sings) If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: I would buy you a green dress.

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Nuriko: But not a real green dress, that's cruel.

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: Well, I'd buy you some mits.

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Nuriko: Like for the oven…or like the seishi.

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Hotohori: And if I had a million dollars…

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: Well, I'd buy you a werewolf…

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Nuriko: Haven't you always wanted a werewolf??

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars…

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Both: I'd buy your love

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars!

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Hotohori: If I had a million dollars!

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Nuriko: If I had a million dollars!

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Both: If I had a million dooooolllllaaaaaaaars….   
I'd be rich.

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THE END 

(**Nuriko: **But…don't you HAVE a million dollars?? You're the EMPEROR, Hotohori-sama.

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Hotohori: Well…ahhh…inflation, and all that.

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Nuriko: I'll buy that.

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Hotohori: Ahahahaha!!!!

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Nuriko: **gives him a blank look** 

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Hotohori: "BUY" that!!!

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Nuriko: **blink blink**

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Hotohori: And we…were talking about money…

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Nuriko: **stares a while longer, then shakes his head and walks away**

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Hotohori: N-Nuriko? Aren't you proud of me? I made a joke!

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Nuriko: Hai, hai…)

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AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS…. No Sleep + First Day of Winter Break = Crrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaazy Mouse-chan. ^_^ Sorry for putting y'all through this agony, hehehe. ^_~


End file.
